amymyoung | Entries tagged with depression

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Right now I’m perpetually tired. It’s a side effect of the depression, and I know it.

I’m also fighting back with everything in my arsenal – the drugs, the CBT methods I know to lift my spirits, using the hands held out by friends and family.

I started writing again, which after a two year hiatus has been, shall we sayinteresting. I’m getting used to putting words on the page again and seeing how they play with each other, and the muses are slowly coming out of hiding. In some ways, it’s like spring in my brain — there’s a lot of grey and black still, but the colour is slowly coming alive in there.

Maybe there is hope after all… and I’m sure I’ll look back on this sometime soon and shake my head. I hate how depression comes and goes. To quote Rush (“Far Cry”) – one day it feels I’m on top of the world, the next it’s rolling over me.

Mirrored from Amy M. Young.

Lately it seems that every time I go to do something, I’m dogged by the “black dog” of depression. It follows me like a cloud, it makes my life miserable, and I just want to run and get away from it, but I can’t get away from it — no amount of running will help me.

It’s put a damper on my creativity – it’s hard to be creative when you’re feeling that the world is ready to shit on you at every turn and that you can’t do anything right, no matter if that’s true or not.

I’ve suffered from depression since I was thirteen, and every time I think I’ve got that black dog on a leash, it proves to me that it’s still wild and running circles around me.

I’ve got my plans for the new year ahead of me, and I may just come up with some time and something for NaNoWriMo. No matter what the black dog does, I will make the best of it.

I will get it under control. I will rebound. I will get better.