A Thesaurus Of Wrong

[amymyoung]

Originally published at Amy M. Young. Please leave any comments there.

I had been wondering why domestic violence was on my mind this weekend. Today I was reminded as to why.  April 23, 2006 I lost a dear friend. She worked with me and was so full of life and so forward looking that when they told us that she had been murdered, most of us went into shock. I know I did. I don't think I've ever really recovered from it fully.

Domestic violence (AKA Partner Abuse/Spousal Abuse) took her from us. She was murdered in an apparent crime of passion by her ex-boyfriend, who then committed suicide. No one will ever know 100% as to what exactly happened that night or why. All we have are the things that were left behind.

One of the saddest facts is that domestic violence affects both men and women. It is estimated that 40% of men are abused by their partners. Women are more likely to be the verbal and emotional abusers, where men are more likely to be the ones who get physical. Most women abusers don't see what they're doing as abusive, and neither do most men. As most of the literature out there deals with the issue of women being abused, and in my own life having both experienced abuse and having male friends that have been victims of abuse, I'm going to take this opportunity to speak to both sexes.

Quite frankly there is no excuse for this. None. Bullying your partner into doing things like scrubbing your feet, doing the dishes and all the chores while you sit on your ass, buying you new things; berating them that they're not attentive enough to your feelings, using emotional blackmail (like blaming them for a decision that another party forced on you) and isolating you from those who care for you... those are all signs of abuse, red flags to get the hell out of Dodge while the getting's good. Sadly, it's hard to leave an abusive relationship, because when you do, the abuse spirals into orbit. From stalking,to going to your partner's work and cutting yourself so they'll come back - it's estimated that a person will leave and come back seven times before they finally leave for good.  For a lot of women (and some men), they don't get those seven times. They get taken from us before they can get to safety.

If you know someone who is going through this, don't abandon them. They need support. They might appear to be refusing it, but they still need you to be there for them, support them. Help them. If we can stop this case by case and break the cycle of abuse, then we'll have made a difference.

We miss you Andrée. We haven't forgotten you.

Photo By C.M. Pitcher